Fifty Cents

Fifty cents.

This was the amount of money my grade one class monitor has owed me when I was seven.

During his farewell dinner that day, I have once again reminded him of that incident.

He has borrowed fifty cents from me one day coz he has forgotten to bring his pocket money for recess that day.

I remember I have lent him a huge fifty cents coin, and from then on he refused to return me the money.

I have been so irritated having to chase him everyday for it that finally one afternoon when the teacher was not around, with the rest of the kids all over the place inside the classroom, I summoned all my strength and screamed across the classroom at him.

'YUDA!! IF YOU DUN RETURN ME THE MONEY TOMORROW, I WILL ASK MY DADDY, MOMMY, BROTHER AND SISTER TO COME!!!!!'

Sounds very fierce right?

But it worked! He returned me the money the very next day.

At that time fifty cents is alot you know.

Way back in the 1980s, fifty cents is enough to last me for two days.

Twenty cents for a bowl of fishball noodles and you still have ten cents remaining for a stick of fishballs, or a glass of pineapple juice.

If you save it up for a few days, end of the week you can even have enough money to run to the bookshop to get a pretty pencil with cute cartoons, or a hello melody handkerchief, or an eraser in the shape of a strawberry with a nice fragrance.

These were the little luxuries we have enjoyed when we were kids.

Later on in the years when we have grown up, I told wilson (yuda) of that incident but he has no memory of it.

The rest of our classmates have a good laugh about it when I told them the story.

During the farewell, Wilson reminded me about that incident again, and he gave me a mischievous grin.

'Wilson!!'

'What? I owe you fifty cents again?'

We burst into giggles.

It was really really fun meeting up with frenzs whom you have known them almost the day you were borned, and as far as we can remember anything.

Each primary school outing is like a sharing and story telling session.

We always talk about the mischiefs we have done as a kid, the little secrets that we have never wanted anyone to know coz they were too disgraceful back then.

Today, all of us brought out the dirty linens that we have kept for years to share with the rest, and each stunning story have all of us rolling on the floor.

Donald revealed that he and a few other boys have once posed as ghostbusters (the most popular movie and tv series back then) and went to a deserted block of flat to hunt for ghosts.

In the end, the whole building was so freaking old and dark, with tons of joss papers flying around that all the boys gave up halfway and ran crying home.

One of the boys involved was our head prefect. The then extremely cool and most popular boy in school, has actually done such a stupid act.

Jason has also told us that he has once kneeled outside the gals toilet, holding a rose in his hand, and begging for forgiveness from another female classmate coz he has played an awful prank on her.

This was a classic.

Of course, now he has grown into a charismatic young man and am also a police inspector.

Who would have guessed that the most mischievous boy has now grown into such a remarkable young man?

As we sang and cheered along the night, sharing our thoughts on our present lives and the past, there is this silent encouragement and concern we have for each other.

After all, we have known each other for a good 21 years, and at the age when we were the most innocent and the original us.

When we have shared, quarreled over the most trivial stuffs.

When the boys canot play with the girls.

When it is the 'who friend who' and 'who dun friend who' era.

When there were five stones, monopoly, zero points, police catch thief games in our lives.

When we get little delicacies like the ten cents ice cream cone from the uncle outside the school, the kaka snacks, the packets of milk we purchased in school every week.

When we have to squad along the drain to brush our teeth after recess.

When our mothers have dragged us home to wash our hair with dettol to rid it of head lices.

When society has not mould us into what we are now.

As we bid our old frenz, who will be going overseas to pursue his career, farewell, we were amazed at how long we have kept this friendship.

As the departure day is approaching, I wish my long time frenz bon voyage.

*err... is there anymore fifty cents you are suppose to return me?*

*if you dun return me I will still ask my whole family to come you know?*

My Memory

Tonight juz came back from my aunt's funeral.

She has been struggling with leukemia for some time and on Sat she has finally let go.

Dad called me when I was outside and immediately we went down to the wake with mom and bro.

After offering our respects, mom burst into tears. Dad was feeling abit sad but he was holding back his emotions.

Sad to say, I only feel a tinge of sadness, close to nothing.

Nothing.

Years of her and my other aunts forsaking my family and my uncle after a major dispute, the family has splited.

I do not meant to be disrespecful or heartless.

But how to invoke back those feelings when you do not even see a person for a decade, and for forsaking my parents, and that you saw your mom weeping silently and your dad for grimacing to himself for the pain inflicted upon them by their own kins.

When I was at the wake, I felt like I am attending a stranger's funeral.

When I recalled those days when I was a little girl, following my aunts around once in a blue moon, they were only very distant memories.

And the feeling of unfamiliarity was even more obvious when you saw your cousins, who appeared more of strangers to you than your kins.

Even they themselves dun recognise me at all and were wondering who is this young lady with my parents, coz way back then, I was only a girl.

I was this bony, ugly duckling that faded into the background.

I was this shy and timid girl who was always the last to grab any sweets from my grandpa behind my screaming cousins, that my grandpa finally has to hide some secretly for me.

And I can further see this trait in me when I grow up, that I was too shy and thin-skinned to fight for my own promotion =P

Karen has told me that even she has been promoted, after working in the education industry for only 2 years, she was rewarded.

As her frenz, I am happy for her.

But once again, can't help but reflected on my career.

For the sixth year, I am being passed over for promotion.

But I know it has also been partly my fault coz I have chosen to stay on, and that I have not tried more means to get it.

hhmm... should I or should I not?

Anyway today has been a long and unexpected day.

And tomorrow I still have a damn quiz!!!

Need to go read up now. And tell you the truth, I hate it!!

Till we blog again.

Old?

As you age, everything seems to slow down.

Been trying to grow my hair for some time now but it has only managed to reach my shoulders.

I have tried tugging it, washing it, trimming it, but it was all useless.

When I was young, my hair grew an amazing one inch a month. It grew so fast that I have to keep trimming my fringe so that it won't cover my eyes.

Now at this age, I am taking three times that amount of time juz to grow an inch.

Arrghh...

Not juz the rate of hair growth has slowed down when you are older.

Metabolism rate, rate of recovery from injuries all seems to do likewise.

Two years back I have a bad fall from blading. The wound was deep but not too huge. Given the same one when I was younger, it would have recovered in about a week.

But this very same wound took three weeks to recover, and the first three days after my fall, my body was aching so much and the wound was so painful that I couldn't sleep for three long nights.

Are we really old?

Mom has been nagging at me for not taking care of my body and health.

Sleeping late, heaty food, taking late night baths and having too much air conditions will worsen to our health, coz for women in the olden days, all of the above mentioned will greatly contributed to rheumatisms.

Rheumatisms?

I think I am more likely to suffer from old injuries on my legs.

Years of strenuous track and field trainings have contributed much to my leg and groin injuries. Sometimes once in a while, I even feel pain on the arc of my feet.

The other time when I meet up with my hurdler coach from cedar, she was telling me that it has been 12 years since I have graduated, and that it is time.

It is time of what?

I was shocked and frightened when she teased me about that, something that she never failed to do so even when I was her young and obedient hurdler who never failed to finished all her strenuous workouts back then.

She later revealed that those years of hurdling has badly damaged our knees and the effect will be shown only after many years as we age older.

Great.

Now I start to regret those times when I wana did my school proud during the nationals schools meets and gone thru every single, demanding, mad, long, injuries proned training sessions.

Now that I am older, my health and stamina has also deteriorated.

A few hours of shopping will make me feeling breathless and extremely tired.

Talking about clubbing?

Hiak!

That is provided no dance is involved and only when I have the strenght after a hard day work.

Old?

hmm... maybe.

Dear Jean...

Finally, after the long wait, jean, has went thru the operation to remove her tumor.

On Monday, she has checked into the ward, and I went down during lunch to give her my support and well wishes.

As usual, she smiled awkwardly and weakly, trying to hide her fear. She revealed that when the doctor was extracting some blood for a test, it was so painful that she actually cried. And her poor, anxious mother cried too when she saw jean crying.

We have a good laugh about it and I even told her that she should have given the inexperience doctor a good bite on her arms for doing such a lousy job =P

Tue came, and I visited her again after I knocked off. Jean's hair was pulled back up and bandaged together like a ponytail. Her dad even made a joke on how fashionable her hair was being tied up that way.

She has woken up but was feeling weak. Well... at least for her the worst is over.

And today I recieved good news from her hubby that the tumor is most likely to be a low grade one.

Phew.

So much so for the ordeal.

She has juz been happily married and within half a year, she has to find out that she has a brain tumor.

Sometimes in real life, there is really no fairy tales, no happily ever after with no worries.

Her incident further acts as a wake up call for me.

Life is short. You never know what is going to happen tomorrow.

Why worry so much?

Go ahead to make attempts at things that you want to do, or gave a try even if there is only a slightest chance that something may works.

But of course for me, being brought up in a traditional chinese family, doing things my wilful way will definately invoked much objections from my family.

Do not ponder too much, as some frenzs said, eventually the problems that we foresee in the future may not happen after all.

It is good to take risks sometimes while you are still able to do so, instead of regreting it later in life, or when you can and realised you are unable to do so.

Sanctuary

I am tired. very tired.

Drained.

Emotionally, physically and mentally.

I canot sleep at night.

Some frenzs juz told me they have been following my blog. And in the process, they understand me better thru my inner voice.

I am surprise I have so many fans.

It is a place where I can sprout nonsenses, display my creativity when I have no one to turn to, when my frenzs are juz too busy to listen to me, where I can vent my anger, fustrations, grief, joy, hopes, thoughts...

It is my sanctuary.

Please dun question me on the articles I have written.

Ignore them.

Forget them.

Pretend you have never read it. Pretend you have no idea what is going on in my life.

It is a place where I sought refuge.

Where I pick up the broken pieces in my life.

I know too much saddness has happened to me recently. Too much complains.

I am coping. I am trying. I am fighting.

It is where I can recuperate before I can stand again. Fight again. Gather new hopes in me once again. See life in a different way. Reflect. And grow up further more. And oso to quench my boredom.

Gave me that priviledge will yer?

Dun judge me on that. Dun rule me out juz like that. I need to breathe.

Even if you dun agree, at least tell me a white lie.

I need it.

If I Can

If I can write a song
I will write about how much you used to love me
How lovingly you used to hold me in your arms
How hard you have fought to win my heart
The tenderness you have bestowed upon me
How wonderfully you have touched me
How precious you are to me

If I can knit
I will knit a sweater
a pair gloves or scarf
to keep your fingers and toes warm during winter
away from the chill and shiver
warming your heart and body

If I can fly a plane
I will fly thru hundreds and thousands of miles
to steal a glance of you
to spread the covers over you when you're asleep
to stitch the tiny holes in your socks
and squash the bugs that have bitten you

If I can be granted a wish
I wish that joy and happiness follow you wherever you are
good health and ample luck
with success in your endeavours
and love be with you
every moment and second

If I can pluck a star
I will steal the shiniest and rarest gem for you
to shine down upon you
to brighten up your saddest day
to lead you out of your darkness
and help you find your way when you are lost

If I can love you all over again
I will carry you when you're down and worn
Shoulder your grief and sorrows
Hold and comfort you when you've no more strength to go on
Ease away all your pains and troubles
Stand by you when the world has forsaken you
and tell you that I still love you
and that you are the greatest thing
that has ever happened to me

28th Hatchday

Now I am already 28 years and a day old.

And juz came back from my birthday celebration!

Cheryl's having holidays now as this week is the march school break. Maeve has specially taken the day off so that we can go for tea and catch up with each other. Vivian, unfortunately, was not able to take any day off, but was glad she made the effort.

Not bad for me.

It is extremely difficult to get those gals out.

We have known each other for sixteen years, but they are so so busy with work and family that we will only be able to meet up four times a year.

Yes... you have guessed it right. Four times a year, once during each of our hatchday.

If one day you happen to run into the four of us together, please go and grab a toto ticket, coz the chance of seeing the four of us together is one in a billion.

We have a good luff and chat today.

As usual, cheryl never let any of us off with her cruel and funny remarks.

We have a good dinner, followed by a drink later in the night.

This time round, we din drink as much as the xmas last dec, whereby the four of us spent hundreds of dollars in one night on alcohol, leaving all of us staggering home and some of us vomiting.

Half way thru dinner, my sis in law sms me. Few mins later, to my surprise, she and my bro showed up at oilo dome, and she passed me a gift, specially from her and my bro!

I opened up the box and it was an exquisite clutch bag from coach!

Never expect them to get anythg for me, let alone something so exp.

Am very very touched and happy =D

Thruout the day, frenzs sms me to gave me wishes. Even kwangleong has sms me a bd wish despite leaving the co, and whom never failed to do so every year.

Even jamie has called me specially to wish me after what happened last week.

The day is near perfect for me after all the surprises and well wishes.

But... been waiting for his sms or email for the whole day.

Nothing so far.

Perhaps he is busy. Perhaps he has forgotten my bd. Perhaps he does not have the habit of sending bd wishes.

Perhaps.

Being Eve

Today I am very happy =)

Juz went thru my mails.

To my surprise, I have recieved much leaflets and discount coupons from the various retailers whom I have been faithfully contributing part of their yearly earnings.

okie.. it was something trival but at least it makes me feel happy rite?

I must have been too busy over the last few years that I din realised that being a woman, you will have lots of privileges and discounts given by the merchandisers on your birthday.

From spa to dining to appreals to manicure discounts, and many more, the list juz goes on and on. The most disappointing is the discount from a certain insurance company, whereby I have to purchase a certain policy in order to enjoy it. hmm...

Not sure if the men will recieved such privileges.

Anyway, it did make my day. Even if this year I have to, or in case I really have to, spend my hatchday alone, I can make full use of the discounts to pamper myself.

hehe.

Not bad being a woman eh?

Sesame Street

I am mad about Sesame Street.

Dun ask me why.

The guy who started this production is brillant.

Since young, I have been stuck in front of my tv set faithfully for that 1 hour show every Sat at 1pm.

Even all my siblings and I believe most of you too, have grown up with them, since they have been around for 36 years.

Watching bert trying very hard to explain things to ernie would just keep my trouble away.

Or elmo shuttering round the estate asking the rest of children to play with him, and him getting excited and happy over every little favours he received.

It would always start with that famous song, 'Sunny day... Chasing the clouds away...'.

The puppets would then jiggle and juggle, singing all the children songs and dancing among the children. There would be super grover the super hero who never failed to have a crashing landing, the rock band puppets stars who put bon jovi to shame, and cookie monster who swallows anything he can lay his hands on.

The most famous of them all would of course be the enormous big bird and the flaming red elmo, but Ernie and Bert are still my favourite of them all.

If we are lucky and oscar is in a fabulous mood that day, he would grouchily make a brief appearance on that day, then shrugged off into his dustbin again.

Shortly after will be of course the letter of the day, and a number to teach the young kids all about A B Cs.

I love them so much that juz the other day when for the tenth time I walked past this shop at heeren, I almost rushed in to buy the two half, human size of ernie and bert.

alright...alright... I know I am not young anymore, but dun each of us have something that we love since young like Star Wars, that has been a part of us and till this day am still a fanatic?

~ ernie: aren't I cute?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sunny day
Chasing the clouds away
Find my way
To where the air is sweet
Can you tell me how to get
How to get to sesame street
How to get to sesame street

Come and play
Everything's a-ok
Friendly neighbors there
For all to meet
Can you tell me how to get
How to get to sesame street
How to get to sesame street
(get lost)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

copyrights. production of the children television workshop

It's Fri....!!

Yes!!! It's Friday again!! TGIF.

Been waiting whole week for this. Today I am lucky. Last nite doris juz sent me an sms, followed by donald's msn msg today to go play tonite.

Yippee...!!!

They are my pri sch gang. haha... nev expect to be able to keep those frenzs for so long!! am glad to have them bug me once in a while to go for a drink or dinner. hehe.... err.. well... singles like me, have nothing to do on weekends now that my list of single and eligible frenzs is getting shorter. And till now I have no luck in love.

Tomorrow mom's gona drag me to the hospital to visit my aunt.

Hehe... so let me let my hair down for once to have fun tonite after the long week.

Yippee....!!!

Beware.

Still slogging in the office.

Something was wrong in the system and gotta wait for ages before I can proceed for my bills.

This evening an old friend from long long time ago juz called.

I really dread hearing her voice.

Again bragging to me how happy her marriage life is and how much her hubby loves her, and again sneering at why am I still not have a boyfriend to love me now.

Sometimes I think these people are sick.

Some people who are struggling to create an impression on their already hopeless life, and making their friends who have outshined them look bad when they are the ones making an asshole out of themselves.

If they are so free, why dun they get their ass here to help me churned out my bills?

This friend of mine, I remembered, happily meeting her few years back to get the wedding invitation card from her, and to give her my wishes, only to end up being laughed at how skinny I was then, why no guy is chasing me and that I dun get as much luxuries in life as her coz her boyfriend was splurging on her and supposed to be rich coz he is in IT industry.

* ???????????????? *

If I am to be as fat as her (she's 3 times my size), I'll kill myself.

If I have a boyfriend who looks older than my dad, I'll jump off the cliff.

If I can enjoy the luxuries in life only to be given by my boyfriend, let me remain poor then.

If he is rich coz he is in IT, then I muz be damn rich now.

After her wedding dinner that night, when I thanked her and the groom for the invitation, she sneered at me again for not having a boyfriend and gave me that triumph smirk that she was getting married before me.

* ............................. *

I gave up. From then on, I kicked her out of my life.

Till this day I still remember that scorn on her face.

I never know how bitchy women can be till that day.

To think that I have known her since 4 years old, that she is the oldest friend I have ever known, that never once have I bragged that I was from a prestigious girl school during secondary, that never once did I bragged to her that I make it to university, never once have I laughed at her obesity and what so ever.

Hiak!

The more you want me dead, I shall live.

I will push, I will fight, I will squeeze, I will crawl, I will dodge my way through this challenging year and till the end of my life.

Beware.

Do NOT awaken the serpent.