Masked

a singularly fortunate person she is
for she can choose to love or not be loved
but there is no remedy for me but to love her more
that, i leave for Fate to dictate
as they all say, What ever will be will be
- lyl -

he was silent. his face a mask of thoughts. his chiseled features looked more distinctive when he was serious.

i looked at him again. cooing him to give in to that unexpected proposal.

he wavered, lost and entangled in that web of emotions and uncertainties that he was trapped into. i could sense the turbulence in him.

after a long silence. i held my breathe.

ok.

that two syllables put me over the moon. i swelled into a state of euphoria, floating away from the ground, feeling the lightness of my being, waiting for the undercurrent to splinter from within, and gushing through every of my pores on my skin.

he opened and held the car door for me.

i will open the car door only for the woman i love.

i swelled again. beaming like a silly school girl who has recieved a stalk of rose for the first time.

the traffic seems too smooth today. the roads seem shorter. the pedestrians were skipping and hopping to aviod the puddles of water on the road, so was my heart beating inside. flipping and overwhelming with joy till it overflew the brink, and it repeated that vicious cycle over again.

i am in love.

yes. and already i am cringing inside out.

i am in love.

i was humming along the jazz piece he was playing in the car, swaying my body slightly to the beat and the rhythm of that nat king cole number. the air seems different today. love is in the air.

he was silent.

"there seems to be so many cars on the roads nowadays."

the slience broke. he relaxed and we talked about the increasing prices of the economy. the exorbitantly priced commodities. the price of KIA. the parties taking place tonight. the market shares. the music i like. the music he likes. the steak we had tonight. my trip in shanghai. the weather. his new friends. his work. the people from other countries.

i dun give a damn. i just want to talk about us. you and me. me and you. us.

when we stopped the car in the lot, i took out excitedly the gift i have bought for a long time, and been waiting to give it to him. i shoved the beautifully wrapped parcel into his hands, like a little girl waiting shyly for the teacher to evaluate her performance in the current semester, and looked on with anticipation for that flinch of gratitude, or that wince of love from long ago.

he was silent. he took it in nonchalantly. the only betrayal was the boyish grin that subconsiously slipped through his face.

never mind. at least he likes it.

as we strolled to the beach, him carrying the bagful of delicacies and mysteries i have painstakingly prepared for the night, he reached out and held my hands as we strolled on, like an old couple reminiscing their youthful love in the past.

i was soaring over the moon, and out of the universe. aphrodite could only look on with envy.

we spread our mat on a spot facing the sea. i attempted to light the scented candles specially handpicked by myself. the wind was strong. he cuddled me closer and helped to block out the wind. i forgot to breathe for that moment.

he laid down on the mat, and i placed my head on his shoulder when i slipped down besides him. we were savoring the strawberries and red wine we have brought along. and we gazed up at the sky and the stars. i pointed orion out to him. a couple strolled past us. another group of young lads cheering and partying into the night. cheering as if they were celebrating for us. for me. for that eternal moment.

i playfully put him up and we do a short waltz. imagining that slient soundtrack playing in the background. he followed me awkwardly and playfully. i tried placing both my feet on his while we were waltzing barefooted on the sand, but i was too heavy. we giggled like little kids playing in the rain. or frolicking happily in the seawater.

i want to hold you like this forever.

i wished time would stop. that it would freeze at that eternal moment. that the next grain of sand dropped from the hourglass be hanged motionless in mid air. that the spill of the coffee be halted before it hit the ground.

the breeze was toying with his collar. the wind ruffled his hair. i watched the stars with my arms above my head. as i embraced him, i embraced my life i never did before. my world is this embrace and i am leaving it soon. if there were a thousand and one constellations in the universe, we were the nebulas in bloom.

the journey home seems short. again. everything seems flew by so fast with him around.

i bid him goodnight for the day at the bottom of the stairs, which i have never allowed him to see me to the door in the past, for fear that my curious preying family would find out and questions pop excitedly. but that night, i wished that he would sent me to the door. i wished that the night would not end so fast.

i gave him one last hug, one last kiss on the cheeks.

as i walked down the walkway to my unit, i turned around and saw him watching me silently. rooted to that very spot i wished would hold him there forever. for a brief moment, i thought i saw again that longing in his eyes from long ago.

when i reached my house, i turned my head to the spot he was standing at previously.

he was gone.