Silent Night

pain. for the fifth day in a row, my body is screaming in agony. this particular month is bad. surges of spasms wrecked through my body like the fuming lava destroying every single living form hindering its path. another one throbbing endlessly in my head for the first one day, threatening to explore.

i grimaced to my pathetic soul.

again the question is raised. why am i borned an eve? the biological reproductive system ragging inside my feminine shell, waiting aimlessly for that faithful day to bear the fruit of my love one, is as inutile as the dilapidated maserati in the garage waiting to be scraped. the only reminder of its redundant existence at this point of time, is the sudden plunge of emotions or the excruciating spasms on the eve before its grand crimson arrival.

its existence reminds me yet again that my body is still alive. and is frail. i will gladly eviscerate my fallopian tubes, my uterus, my ovaries, my eggs out of my entire system, at least for now, in exchange for that monthly serenity, that porcelain glow of my perfectly spotless skin, that frantic dash to the pharmacy for a last minute sanitary overdosed, that painstaking motion of laundrying my favourite delicate piece of garment from its stubborn stain, and that almost lunarly s p a c e d sick leave i am force to take. bare with me boss. bare with me.

sleep? i crave. i lust. i yearn.

the spasms make it more impossible to do so nowadays.

or more like lying on my bed, feigning that shut of the eye and the stillness of my limbs. i am even trying not to let the lamplight that beamed through the windows into my room to disrupt my attempted bliss. or the gentle whispers of the leaves on the trees. or the endless moans of the cats roaming outside the premises.

sometimes, i seem to constantly drift in and out of my sleep. after so many times, i no longer able to differentiate between my imagination and my sleep. or if it is a dream disengaging itself a dream. or if my thoughts and dreams are entwined in a maze of labyrinth. it gets so confusing, that i can even woke up in a dream, only to find that i am still dreaming.

or perhaps the psychic guy is right, my lack of chi. could this be the reason why my body is not able to catch ample sleep in this lifetime?

how i wish. i sought.

that a swirl of white clouds from beneath, will spiral itself around me, lifting me up from the ground, cocooning me to that sweet slumber. rocking my battle worn body like an infant. soothing my hair gently as if it is make of the most delicate silk threads, and the magical hum of the siren or that impressive orchestra strung by the crickets, leading me to that beautiful serenity.

but no matter how hard i galloped, after countless nights, with a thousand fluffy white lambs tucked under my bed, i just wasn't fast enough, to reach that dreamland.