Pray

what i heard was the thundering of my sibling's angry voice down the other end of the phone line. after the stressful conversation has ended, i am left facing my screen once again. be it then or now, i have to churned out an utmost important mail to my sibling.

half frustered with the most part of my inner self burned out by the earlier exchange, i sat still. my mind is in a total darkness. blank. whiter than the piece of paper lying lazily in front of me. nothing can penetrate my mind now. stressed out. burned. exhausted. anxious. seconds passed. the clock is ticking. minutes. when i gazed at the time piece in front of me again, an hour and a half has passed.

nothing. stil nothing.

blank.

another pain raged through my stomach. as i sat inside the toilet, convulsing in pain since last week, i felt a tickle ran past my left cheek. another droplet down my nose. and another. slowly a small pool was formed on the floor between my legs. for the first time in weeks, the condensation formed inside my heart is not due to him.

for the first time in my life, my intrepid and rebellious self surfaced.

'what i want is to be a loser for the next two fucking years. i'll rather be a whore than to need your help. happy?'

i bite my tongue.

two hours passed. my mind is still blank. the night is silent. the neighbourhood is sleeping.

i scribbled what little paragraphs i can articulate and clicked on the send button.

for the second time since last week, i said to myself.

pray.