I Am What I Am

just when you thought the pair of hands stretched out in front of you are going to pull you out of the water, you are drowned further into the chilly water by the very same pair.

i leave the door into my life ajar, and let people stormed in and out of it as they wish. this door has never shut tight on them, despite the numerous hammerings and vandalisms inflicted upon it, and the storm and havoc they have wreaked in my life.

this door has never once shut.

i realised i can never quite expressed eloquently to people whom i love the most. i see this as good and bad. if i am anything less than prolific, it means that i have let my affections supersede my pride for people i dearly love and care around me.

i remain silence.

i do not impugn their intentional pedagogy or wrath on me but sometimes it does make me wonder if they really understand. pry into those thoughts without listening to those kvetchs. walk away from the swing and feel as if we have the most wonderful conversation exchange through that silence. see the emotions in my eyes without uttering those words.

and maybe i should just stop trying too hard.