Eyes Wide Shut
"the only way for a person to live on is to continue loving him."
-- from the film, the crow (1994) --
"You always give more than you take. you never stop loving people. silly girl." she says.
my whole life revolves around 24 by 7. a technology analyst, daughter, sister, friend, philanthropist, pediatrician, paramedic and a lover. lover, its meshuga existence in my context is one who never stops loving even if an obscene amount of pain or profanity is inflicted repeatedly upon oneself.
sometimes i find myself to be such a cretin. you are crazy. why should you expose yourself through such pain? wakeup wakeup wakeup.
i have subconsciously taken on more roles than i knew existed. the children from the children home were hugging my legs so tightly that day and refused to let go that i almost pee in my pants. two weeks from now, i'll be attending a mooncake making class with a eight months pregnant gal friend and i am already praying that the baby is not overly eager to meet me.
dear child, should you try to be that miscreant brat of nothing more than a bloody plop that interrupted my class paid by my hard earning shillings from my autocratic tyrants at work, i will make sure you learn the meaning of lambaste. your godmother.
My GMTs are all messed up and confused, like the she-male borned in a man's body or the little kitten that hid into a corner when it stepped onto the squeaky rubber duckie. i am permanently on international time. sometimes london, sometimes new york but never the local time zone. pourquoi? damn it.
every time i gazed at my clock, it is always past the sleeping time. my pillows gazed longingly for me to sooth their restlessness, my quilt for my affectionate closeness. even the second hand of my alarm clock is grumbling louder than usual in the past, a reminder echoing in the empty void that has been stuggling for so long.
another exhortative message is being sent to my phone. thank you ladies and gentlemen. thank you. i have forgotten i have so many friends till now. i will remember your teachings by heart and tomorrow recite it a hundred times before i get down to work.
and i just realised i have missed the emmys this year. fuck.
sleeping? maybe.
goodnight dearie. goodnight.
i thank you ladies and gentlemen once again.
and oh, i think i need a hug too.
-- from the film, the crow (1994) --
"You always give more than you take. you never stop loving people. silly girl." she says.
my whole life revolves around 24 by 7. a technology analyst, daughter, sister, friend, philanthropist, pediatrician, paramedic and a lover. lover, its meshuga existence in my context is one who never stops loving even if an obscene amount of pain or profanity is inflicted repeatedly upon oneself.
sometimes i find myself to be such a cretin. you are crazy. why should you expose yourself through such pain? wakeup wakeup wakeup.
i have subconsciously taken on more roles than i knew existed. the children from the children home were hugging my legs so tightly that day and refused to let go that i almost pee in my pants. two weeks from now, i'll be attending a mooncake making class with a eight months pregnant gal friend and i am already praying that the baby is not overly eager to meet me.
dear child, should you try to be that miscreant brat of nothing more than a bloody plop that interrupted my class paid by my hard earning shillings from my autocratic tyrants at work, i will make sure you learn the meaning of lambaste. your godmother.
My GMTs are all messed up and confused, like the she-male borned in a man's body or the little kitten that hid into a corner when it stepped onto the squeaky rubber duckie. i am permanently on international time. sometimes london, sometimes new york but never the local time zone. pourquoi? damn it.
every time i gazed at my clock, it is always past the sleeping time. my pillows gazed longingly for me to sooth their restlessness, my quilt for my affectionate closeness. even the second hand of my alarm clock is grumbling louder than usual in the past, a reminder echoing in the empty void that has been stuggling for so long.
another exhortative message is being sent to my phone. thank you ladies and gentlemen. thank you. i have forgotten i have so many friends till now. i will remember your teachings by heart and tomorrow recite it a hundred times before i get down to work.
and i just realised i have missed the emmys this year. fuck.
sleeping? maybe.
goodnight dearie. goodnight.
i thank you ladies and gentlemen once again.
and oh, i think i need a hug too.
a miracle struck @ * 11:33 PM * (",)
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